Being True To Yourself
We know that greed and selfish ambition has always been a strong motive that impels people to lie. Another factor behind lying is fear; we fear the consequences of what others may think if the truth is told.
For myself, I guess the latter made sense to me. I wasn’t trying to intentionally deceive another, but rather I feared losing the other person from the way the truth was dressed. I never was doing anything “wrong”, but because he was so controlling, nothing that I ever did was really “right” in his eyes, at least that’s what he made me to believe.
I tried hard to please him, so by me NOT telling him that I was going to hang out with girl friends, innocent fun; or me NOT telling him that I had been violated, would avoid his anger and rage with me. Again, as I look back, the things that I was doing were not wrong, or out of the ordinary, but I knew that he not being able to control my every movement would just cause him to be unhappy with me and not look at me the same. So I just tried to avoid telling him details. I wanted to be good enough, I wanted him to know that I am what you want me to be. I am the “good girl”.
It always ended up me telling him where I went, what I did. Again I never did anything wrong, it never involved another man, or anything of that sort. He would call me untrustworthy, I would feel like I had to prove that I wasn’t, I ended up hurting and so starts the entire cycle all over again and again. What a pattern of thinking!
It’s amazing how I look back at this routine and I see the real lies and the real deceit were in him. He was the one deliberately lying to me. He was the one entangled with multiple women, in multiple relationships. Deep down you know the truth, but you don’t want to believe it. You’ve made him your “all” for so long that you convince yourself to believe all the lies that he tells. Initially, as the lies come to head, your hurt, it pains. Remember the saying short term pain for long term gain.
When you snap back into reality, and realize you’re better than all the lies you’ve accepted, all the affairs you’ve accepted, you see the truth for what it is. He’s deceived no one but himself, and you’ve been deceived by no one but yourself. You ARE the good girl, too good of a girl to accept his treatment, his abuse, or anyone’s abuse. The reality that I have come to accept is that no matter how truthful I was to him, no matter how straight forward I was, he would have never been happy or satisfied, because of his own insecurities within himself.
So me learning to be truthful to myself, not allowing “me” to deceive “me”; you see the entire relationship, your life, your love, your happiness, for what it really is. You are in control of you. You don’t make his problems and his insecurities yours. You realize that you don’t need, nor truthfully speaking, do you want a relationship full of lies and deceit. I say truthful speaking because sometimes you’ve deceived yourself into believing that he is the man you want and need. What happiness comes from lies and deception? Someone always hurts in the end.
Be truthful with yourself, be truthful about your relationship, your happiness and truth begins with you.
~ Arja Langdon | http://www.comtreeconsulting.com