Lie To Me: Die To Me
Let’s be honest, errr…. NOT lie, we all lie to people from time to time.
We justify it by saying: “I don’t want to hurt their feelings” or, MORE OFTEN, we do it to selfishly protect ourselves from the firestorm that will ensue if we reveal the TRUTH.
We’re chicken, afraid, scared, weak, or sleazy and reject the opportunity to tell the truth.
Nothing complicated about that.
TYPES OF LIES:
(update your list, this one is short)
1. A white lie is when you deny someone the truth because it will only hurt them, a no harm no foul sort of thing: i.e. When a girl asks her husband / boyfriend if she looks pretty today and he says “yes” even though she looks like shit.
2. Any lie you use with the cops to get out of being arrested.
3. Lying in a life or death situation.
2. Not being honest with your closest friends even if the truth is going to hurt them. i.e. Their weight, health, you know their girlfriend / boyfriend is cheating on them, drinking problems etc.
3. Any lie that has malicious intent or a creates a festering problem because it was told. i.e. a close friend asks you a question and you lie to their face. Especially lies that will obviously be revealed as such in the future [almost all do]
4. Any lie that can cause harm or danger to someone, i.e. not telling someone to look out for so and so, or warning them about eminent danger…etc.
5. The kind of Lying that sleaze bags do as a means to an end to make a dollar. We all know them!
The Grey area:
THERE IS NONE! There is no grey area, You either lie or tell the truth. That is why both lying and telling the truth are so pure…there are no ands ifs or buts about it.
What to do.
When ever I begin a new relationship, the first brick I lay in the foundation of our relationship is the brick of trust. Just like a brick wall, the more time and experience you two share the more trust is supposed to be built up. There is no time limit, it can happen quickly or slowly.
Laying Brick is exactly the right analogy here because honesty and trust are a heavy responsibilities, especially if you’re dating me. I take trust and honesty as the most powerful thing two people can share. Not being with a woman I can trust? I may as well be alone. When you use those three precious words “I Love You, you have to unflinchingly know the responsibility that comes along with that breath; the person you’re with has your back and you theirs. It’s you and her / you and him against the world. Moreover, I, personally, return the gesture in spades. Brick also works here because if you lie to me it’s like throwing a brick through my picture window, I don’t take it well.
What to do Part Two:
1. I actively create an environment where the blatent ugly truth is the only way you two interact with one another, the best and only choice regardless of the consequences. Albeit, you can deliver the truth with tact and grace. Not all of the girls, I’ve dated, take to this policy to heart but years later they get in touch and thank me…
btw-Most people are big fat liars, keep that in mind ;-)
2. I “check in” through out the relationship and have them do the same; there are always opportunities to tell the truth when you’re with someone, so keep it fresh and don’t lie. Ask them VERY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS knowing full well they can’t lie because you already know the answer [best to ask this via email or txt or face to face as all three have their benefits…you have it in writing.] To Create a lie free or at least a lie a little less zone you must start, day one, by being brutally honest with them and, like wise, NOT OVER REACTING OR GOING NUTS WHEN THEY TELL YOU A TRUTH YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR. Folks if you want to hear the truth you must also have to know how to deal with it. Keep that in mind.
Dealing with Liars:
Liars have to deal with themselves. They know what they did and, if the lie is hurtful enough, they will suffer, rest assured. If you catch someone you love, and don’t want to lose, in a lie simply ask them why they lied. If you’re not satisfied with the answer, dump them immediately. My point is that we all make mistakes, we all lie, but give them the chance to fess up. Try not to judge them too harshly less you be judged the same. However, If someone has broken the sacred code of trust and honesty, they are now dead to you. Have a silent funeral for them because they are not worth the tears or the time. Move on.
~ Steve Santagati | http://askstevessantagati.typepad.com